So the big day is almost here. That's right! Savage Umbrella's annual fundraiser! That magical night that comes but once a year, when you get to hang out with your favorite SU Crew; enjoy some food, bev and games and get inordinately excited with us about what Savage Umbrella will be producing this upcoming season!
Why would anyone want to miss out on something that awesome? Answer: they wouldn't. The only reason would have to be that something terrible is keeping them from a wonderful evening of artistic philanthropy. Thankfully our past productions have helped us learn how to handle such scenarios. That's why we at Savage Umbrella have devised a short list of possible things that could keep you from fun times and what you can do to avoid missing out on all the fun.
1) Shadow People
Nobody ever actually wants some spookie-ookie keeping them from enjoying their evening. But sometimes it’s just too difficult to evade those shadowy monstrosities. We at Savage Umbrella know the problem all too well*. We find the best way to deal with this problem is with baby-steps. Plan to stop by for 15 minutes or half an hour. At the very least you’ll be showing support to friends and artists who care about your opinions and want to tailor their work to reflect what you think is most important in the world. And who knows? A couple games of neon ring toss might be just the thing to spook those spooksters away for the evening!
*For more examples, please refer to SWEET DREAMS, ALFIE this October - November
2) Social Etiquette
No need to rush to Wikipedia to find out what utensil should be used with what hand and for what food. This won’t be that kind of party! No we’ve been through enough of those, thank you**. We just want you to have a great time. Eat with your hands. Drink a little too much. Be loud. We’re raising money for theatre, not the Milford Academy!
**For more examples, please refer to THE AWAKENING
3) Overly Friendly Religious Fanatics
It happens to the best of us. One minute your making your way to a night of light debauchery, the next your stuck in a conversation with a slightly-too-nice-in-a-kinda-creepy-way person about filling you completely and satisfyingly with God’s love. Are they really unaware about how that sounds? Anyway, we understand it can be difficult to make your escape***. So before resorting to pocket-sand, we recommend invite them to come along. Savage Umbrella is always up for deep weighty discussions. Plus they’ll get to see how the other side lives and maybe you’ll be able to lose them in the crowd. Though having a pocket full of sand could be useful should things not play out that smoothly.
***For more examples, please refer to EX-GAYS
4) A Jealous Lover
We’ll be honest with you. This is a new one. You may want to give us a couple months to sort this problem out****.
****For more examples, please refer to VELVET SWING
5) Father Wants You to Kill Your Fiance
Yikes. Well, that escalated rather quickly. First off, are you ok? Blink twice for yes… Alright, good. So yeah. Don’t do that. We get***** that your dad can be a bit…controlling? Tyrannical? But it might be time to finally cut that paternal cord. So grab your honey and hang with us for a bit. Don’t worry. If the old man shows up we’ll all play dumb while you hide behind a convenient stack of cinder blocks. Maybe winning a cake at the cake-walk will help calm him down?
*****For more examples, please refer to THE RAVAGERS (boy those asterisk's really got out of hand)
There! You feeling a little more confident about attending? We knew you would be. So why not go ahead and get your tickets RIGHT NOW? It's ok, we'll be right here saving you a place under the umbrella :)